I guess it's the matrix of disillusionment we get lost in....our parents were lost when they raised us, they did the best they could with the knowledge they had. AND THAT IS SO FREEING because that gives us the POWER to CREATE along with god/source the very life that deliciously is being created by us, for us, in every moment. We can wrap our arms tightly around our parents with pure hearts and gratitude, feeling no resentment. For we are not victims, rather we are bridging the gap of parent/child disconnect and replacing it with love. Love always mends.
I raised my kids in this patriarchial/ultra purity culture which was prevelant within our family and our church. I taught my girls they needed to stay pure and not even kiss a boy, otherwise they would be deemed unworthy of a man. Everything I did, thought and spoke was to direct them to stay pure in thought, word and deed. So, I too have fucked up my kids, just like my parents did to me. And so is life! We grow, we learn, we expand, we change thought streams, we cling and we dispose. One of my daughters told me as we were out to dinner, that she was really pissed for my belief system and how I raised her. SHE IS RIGHT! I validated her feelings, let her talk and then I apologized.
Thinking how marriage is so valued and especially the longevity of a marriage, I have a different thought. What if marriages were valued for their GROWTH.....rather than their longevity? What if each person had their own connection to god, and then shared that with the other?
I started treating my BP with marajuana (Rick Simpson Oil) and that was about 9 years ago. What I didn't know then, but I know now is the wonderful mental healing benefits. I honor god for this medicine and know it as such, medicine. When I'm good, I don't take my medicine, I have no need for it. When I have taken it recreationally, for me, it backfires. It throws me into my crazyness that I am seeking to work through. As I do the work of my spiritual practices, and learn more, grow more, understand more, I need less of the medicine because I have learned new tools for "being an adult." Before bed, my partner and I each eat a cookie and our night turns into a playful playground. I need it for my BP and my man is learning how to re-child himself. My partner is an extreme alpha male who is an entrepenure....so turns me on! What doesn't turn me on is his stoicism, and his inability to feel his feelings. His parents did the best they could, but they were caught in the matrix too! When my man eats his cookie, coupled with my playfulness, our nights are nothing less than merriment and laughter. As I dig for answers from him, he opens with such childlikeness and vulnerabliity. And that is something we as women crave.
Oil is quite costly, so I have taken to buying Shake, which is the leaves and stems of the marajuana plant. After I decarb it in the oven I mix it with kerrigold butter and coconut oil set in mason jars in the crockpot. Now I have my butter to do as I please. My partner prefers cookies and I prefer just the straight up butter. All I need is a 1/2 teaspoon and all he needs is 1 cookie. If you or your partner struggles with constant thoughts, inability to open up to the real you, I'd recommend looking into this wonderful plant given to us by god for our healing.
Life is good. And it's about to get even better, especially for my girls as we leave the homeschool charter and embark on our complete and individualized path of FREEDOM. Freedom to pursue their OWN paths of learning and growth. I'm probably more excited than they are as I know HOW GOOD IT FEELS to move in clarity and purpose of ones own desires.
Women....are you trapped? Trapped in a poor relationship, poor circumstances, poor kids? Without doing anything "physical" you can begin to set time aside every day to drop down into your heart and FEEL how your heart is leading you. As you listen to the REAL YOU, your excitement for life with be renewed and your mind will soon follow. TRUST YOU sweet woman. Stop looking for things on the outside (the right religion, the right house, the right body, the right relationship) and just start living YOU. Poor relationships will come along or they will fall to the way side...you just keep you in alignment. All will be well. All is already well, but we sometimes get caught in this matrix. Your spiritual practice is what will help you to see clearly FOR YOU. ALL YOU NEED IS ALREADY WITHIN YOU, it is not found on the outside.