Often times we find ourselves in upsetting and draining circumstances with others. What comes naturally to most is to play the blame game.
"My spouse won't do this, my business partner isn't doing his share, my friend keeps doing........" What I've learned is that it DOESN'T matter what the other person does or doesn't do. For the husband who won't work, the boyfriend who cheats.....IT'S NOT ABOUT THEM!!!!.......it's about HOW LONG DO YOU WANT TO LIVE THIS WAY? I have ended a 23 marriage because of extreme poverty and religious ideas of populating the earth. I came to the place about two years after baby #7 where I asked myself a question.
"Shannon, how much longer do you want to live like this? A year, ten years, forever, or one week?" I decided very quickly and filed papers within one week. Whatever faults my ex-husband may have, I also played the religious game. I stayed in it this long and I fully take responsibility for my lot. Keeping my eyes OFF Eric and not passing any judgement, blame, or pain has been one of the most freeing, liberating, love engulfing, positive, rewarding acts I have yet to experience. Eric did the best he knew how to do at that time, so did I. Now, that chapter is closed in my life. I have since begun to write a new chapter....ohhhhhh......it's beautiful. Even with sadness, hurt, and fear, love is always there to comfort, direct, embrace and propel us towards the life that is rightfully ours! My oldest daughter Hanna, who gave me permission to share this, experienced the same thing The apple doesn't fall far from the tree! She was stuck in a relationship with a young man who seldom worked and used drugs. Throughout her life, she would talk about Jake.
"Mom, he won't work, mom, he does drugs, mom he's so nice, mom no one knows where he is, mom he's disappeared."
During our conversations I would not speak a poor word about Jake. I would only listen and then ask,
"Hanna, how long do you wanna do this?"
Sometimes I recall her saying, "I don't know!"
To which I would say, "Well, that's ok, you will figure it out, you're a smart, brilliant, beautiful woman. You'll get there." She got there six weeks ago when he went to jail. She has come to find out she's much happier without him, and she's putting money in the bank with extra to spare! Next time you feel squeezed into an unpleasant situation, go ahead and point the finger...just make sure it's pointing at you! Then ask yourself, "How long do I wanna do this?" You're amazing, intelligent, and brilliant....you'll eventually figure it out! We all do! ❤️